Well I do believe it’s time for another round of The Boyfriend Chronicles! Sit back, relax, and please enjoy Will’s latest ramblings.
Hello there fit and focused friends of Fitful Focus. IIIIIII’mmmmmmm bAAAAaaaaccccckkkk. In this post, we’re going to discuss something I think all of your significant others can relate to – taking pictures!
The first thing I need to make known, is that almost all of the Fit & Fashionable Friday pictures that Nicole has featured on her blog have been photographed by yours truly. Now, I’ve never been one to pat myself on the back, so I’ll give you a beginner level mad-lib opportunity to compliment my mad skillz without having to do it myself. Ready?
Oh, what a surprise, I’m so humbled. You guys are too nice, thank you!
Anyway, it didn’t always come so naturally. My parents can confirm that as a child, I took more photos of my feet, or the ceiling, or some random brick on the patio than any other kid. Looking back, they were right, but seriously I was young, what else was there to take pictures of? I certainly wasn’t going to take one of my little sister; girls are gross. Eventually, they stopped buying me film and made me buy it with my allowance money, which was around $5 a week by the time I had a camera. Earning just enough money to buy a thing of film (yeah, film) every three weeks seriously makes you choose your shots carefully. Even so, the occasional, uh, artistic shot made it through – like the one I took of my neighbor’s dog through a telescope. Well, it was suppose to be of the dog but it was really just a blurry image of the inside of a telescope.
Anyway, lets flash forward a little and leave the middle ground untouched other than to say it was, umm, not my forte (haha, understatement of the century). We’ve flashed forward to about a year ago now. A year ago? Maybe a year and a half ago? Damn, getting old sucks. Hmm, let’s go with a little while ago. A little while ago, I was inspired by one of my friends at work who showed me some HDR photography. For those who are unfamiliar, it’s basically a series of images that are overlaid on top of each other so that you can get these really cool photos. Have you ever taken a picture into the sun and had the person come out black but the background come out perfect? Or focused on the person and had the background totally blown out and white? HDR combines both of those and takes the background of the image where the person is black and the person from the one that’s blown out and mixes them together, creating a balanced image. Well, he showed me some images that had been taken with this technique and I thought I could do it.
BAHAHAHAHAHA, SOOO WRONGGGG. I went out and bought this nice DSLR camera that had an HDR mode built in and 24 megapixels and a flip around screen so you could take selfies and went out into the world to try and take some pics. So far they have ALL sucked and I’ve gotten discouraged and don’t even try anymore. I think if there were some giant glaciers, epic waterfalls, or huge rolling hills I’d be a pro, but alas the closest thing we have to glaciers in Brooklyn are the ice balls that all the hipsters use when they drink whiskey (seriously, who likes whisky straight? ew). Needless to say, HDR mode has become the appendix of this camera, nice to have (I guess?) but totally useless. Nicole says I’m off topic, so I’ll get to the point quickly – I bought this badass camera and seriously underestimated the skills it takes to use it.
When the camera was new, we used to try and get fancy with the pictures. Things like, “Go over there and throw those leaves in the air, I’ll use burst mode” were not uncommon phrases. That has quite literally evolved into, “I saw this weird door on my way home from work, why don’t you go stand near it and pretend you’re a statue so you don’t come out blurry.” There are so many modes on these modern cameras that a small-brained dood like myself just can’t keep up.
First, let’s talk about the symbols on the spinny wheel that selects the mode. I’ve mastered the “auto” mode and the auto mode disguised as a crossed out flash. Let’s be honest though, those are dummy modes designed for idiots like me who are completely out of their depth behind a camera. Through the years, I’ve learned that the side profile of a lady with a giant hat and no facial features means portrait mode. I’ve also learned that the street sign running guy is for action shots, the flower is for macro mode and the mountain is for landscapes. This camera has another mode, though, that I seriously have no idea about. It’s a little guy in a hat. Is this hat mode? Am I only supposed to take pictures of Nicole with this mode when she’s wearing a baseball hat? Wouldn’t that also cross the line into portrait mode? If I’m taking a picture of a person who’s not moving at high speed, wouldn’t it almost always fit into the portrait mode? This little guy also has his hands up – maybe it’s for focusing on underarms? Maybe I’ll take it to the gym and get some selfies after working biceps and triceps. If there’s a whole mode for it, I should take advantage right? Well, I seriously have no idea what it is and there are no context clues whatsoever on the device. For now, we’ll use it for taking pictures of Nicole in hats with her arms up…. since that’s a common scenario, lol.
Regardless of what mode is used, I hope you other bloggers understand that the struggle associated with being your personal photographers is real. Little do you know that while you’re posing and looking at the penny on the ground (anybody know of this trick or did Nicole completely make it up?), us photographers are getting our own pose on, as well. My favorite is one I’ve named “the scrouch.” It’s half way between a crouch and a squat and it’s ideal for taking pictures head on and totally burning out your knees, back and quads. Oh, you want to get a picture in front of this random thing? That’s cool, I’ll just scrouch in the middle of the road so I can fit the whole thing in, no big deal, people will totally understand.
Who is this little guy and what does he do?
Does your significant other take your pictures? Is he/she a photo-pro?
Who needs a wedding photographer?