I think it’s time for a story. So gather round, my fit and focused friends. Snag a comfy spot, and get ready for the household tale “That Time I Asked My Boyfriend to Help Me Bake.” It’s a childhood classic, really.
Once upon a time there was a girl who loved to cook. After an adventure to a beautiful New Hampshire orchard, she arrived home with a peck of apples.
“What should I do with all these apples?” she asked her loving boyfriend.
“Apple pie!” he responded with enthusiasm.
And so she embarked upon the creation of an apple pie. Unbeknownst to her, she’d soon make a dire mistake.
“Hey, loving boyfriend,” she said, “would you like to help me make this pie?”
“Sure,” he replied, albeit somewhat begrudgingly.
You see, the girl thought it would be fun to bake together, a little mini-at-home-date of sorts. Oh, how naïve young love can be…
“What can I do to help?” the loving boyfriend asked.
The two stood side by side as they peeled apples. The girl’s apple skins fell easily into the garbage pale. The boyfriend’s? Let’s just say the floor received the fruit of his labor.
Once the apples were peeled, the girl set about chopping up the apples and putting them into a mixing bowl, giving the boyfriend the fun job of gathering up the remaining ingredients and adding them to the bowl.
After a short hunt, he found the cinnamon. Measuring spoon over bowl, he turned the container of cinnamon upside down. Cinnamon overflowed onto the spoon and into the bowl.
“Whelp, I think that’s enough cinnamon.” The boyfriend said.
Adapting to his environment, he decided to measure the sugar out over the sink rather than the mixing bowl, but instead of just scooping the sugar out of the bag with the measuring spoon, he proceeded to turn the bag of sugar upside down over the spoon, releasing more sugar into the sink than onto the spoon. Sugar explosion!
His last mission was add a bit of lemon juice. Squirt, squeeze. Lemon juice everywhere! Except in the mixing bowl, naturally.
The boyfriend looked up at the girl like a dog that was just caught peeing in the house. She laughed.
“My dudes,” she said, “sometimes I wonder about you…”
The moral of this tale? There are two:
- When planning a cooking date with a kitchen novice, choose a recipe that doesn’t require precision. AKA, don’t bake. Stick to staples like grilled cheese or pasta. Or cereal. Cereal’s good.
- Just because someone has a Masters Degree in Engineering doesn’t mean they have common sense.
I will note that despite the apple-skin covered floor, the cinnamon-and-lemon-juice-coated counter and the sugar-filled sink, the pie came out quite tasty. I got the recipe here, but think she needs to add a “Proceed with Caution when Cooking with Boyfriends” disclaimer.
Is your significant other a pro or a shmoe in the kitchen?
Best kitchen disaster story. And go!